Well, it’s been about a month since the surgery, so I figure
it’s time to give everyone an update. I’ve been navigating the slowly-expanding
diet over the course of the last few weeks, and I’m now at the penultimate
stage: on January 5th, the reins are officially released. Suffice to
say, restricted diets are awful, which is why I got the surgery done in the
first place. But, I will survive. Currently, I am allowed a fairly large
selection of foods, but they must be soft, unsweetened, and low-fat. The last
two requirements chafe, particularly around the holidays. But, I’ve added
dairy, spices, and pasta (with sauces) on this latest round. That has made life
much more bearable. I am still prohibited any form of red meat, or things which
might damage the pouch, like chips and nuts. And, I’ve been pretty good about
keeping to the diet, mostly. I’ve been a little looser than I probably should
have, but not without reason. I’ve been feuding with the nutritionist at the
doctor’s office. Let me explain…
The nutritionist constantly exhorts me to call with any
questions on the diet. And I have, several times. But, some of the answers she’s
given haven’t made good sense. Case in point: I am allowed toasted breads. I am
allowed cheese and dairy products. I am allowed tomato sauces. However, when
suggesting that I could get a cheese pizza, I was immediately shut down. She claims
that the whole is greater (more dangerous) than the sum of its parts, yet she
was unable to convince me of how or why. So, I tried it, taking things slowly
and carefully. I did fine. This leads me to question the rest of the diet as
well. On conferring with another dietician I know and trust, I was told “You
sound like all my patients. They test the bounds of the diet until they dump or
puke. Then they go back to the diet.” As it stands, I have neither dumped nor
puked in my explorations. So, I think I’m doing pretty well. It wasn’t just the
cheese pizza. I came home for Christmas, and one of my many vices are Krystal
hamburgers. I tried a couple on the way down. Two is my new limit, down from
eight. So, the pouch is working completely as designed. Those two were also the best damned hamburgers I've had in years, let me tell you. Today, we were invited
to my sister-in-law’s parents’ place for Christmas dinner. Her mom is of
Italian descent, and makes the most wonderful meatballs. I had half a meatball,
some penne and tomato sauce, and a bite of pepperoni. Again, no problems. I had
some of Mom’s famous chocolate éclair cake for dessert. Again, no problems. So,
while I’m not technically off the leash for another couple weeks, I think I can
try off-diet soft stuff, so long as I’m careful about it.
I’m not ignoring it completely, mind. There are some things
I’m avoiding because the logic is very sound: namely things like potato/corn
chips and nuts, things that have sharp points, sodas, and are harder to digest
or might pop the pouch. They might damage the pouch, and put me in a real world
of hurt. Also, all the meats I’m consuming are very soft or ground: no steak
yet.
Regardless of the food itself (which is to say with on-diet
foods as well), the pouch and I have not yet completely come to an
understanding, but we’re working on it. Sometimes, when the food is really
good, I will miss the early fullness warning signs or eat too much. This causes
lots of hurt, and a nauseous feeling that lasts about half an hour.
Fortunately, I’ve not had anything serious happen yet. Mostly, the biggest
problem has been gas, in more than one regard. See, when you normally eat, gas
gets pushed to one side, where it gathers, and you have that awesome belch to
release it all at once. Now, there’s nowhere for it to go or collect. Things
back up, and it hurts. Gas-X helps a little, but not much. The other part is
that gas escaping the back end is a lot worse than it used to be. Nothing ever
smelled like roses, but it’s gotten far worse since the surgery. I accidentally
crop-dusted some CRG people when the wind gusted behind me, after I had taken
the time to walk away to release it. This will be something to check with the
doctor about.
Other than the gas pains and remembering to eat slowly,
things have been pretty good. I can’t wear my good jewelry anymore, since it
slides off my fingers. I just had to order some new underwear, since what I’ve
got has started falling down, even inside my pants. Chest size is still about
the same: 6X shirts are still fairly comfortable, if starting to get a bit
looser around the neck. But, things are
progressing. And with that, it’s time for questions and answers!
Since I’ve had this done, I’ve had lots of questions, and
several of them are the same ones. So, I’m going to answer them all here. And,
question #1 has been: “How much weight have you lost?” As it stands, I have no
bloody idea. I know I’ve lost some, but I can’t put a number on it. I’ve not
yet been back to the doctor since surgery to weigh in. That happens January 2nd.
Question #2: “How do you feel?” Honestly, about the same.
Stairs still suck to go up and down, and I still get winded from them. My body
doesn’t really feel any different yet, even though I know I’ve started losing
the weight. I also can’t tell any difference in how I look, since I see the
same face in the mirror everyday.
Question #3: “What’s your goal?” Honestly, I don’t have a
numerical goal. I have an idea of how much I will lose, which I discussed in
the last post (I think), but as for an actual number, no idea.
Question #4: “What do you want to do with it?” Maybe I
should call this 3a. Regardless, people have wanted to know what the reason for
getting the surgery was, beyond the obvious, which is to be healthier and live
longer. There are a couple answers to this. The first is kinda what you would
expect, the second requires a longer explanation, as well as opening myself up
a lot more. But, I promised to document things, so here it goes. I want to
learn how to skate. I tried learning how when I was with CoMo, and it ended
rather badly. The falls were too damaging to my ankles and feet, particularly
when I couldn’t land as you’re supposed to in derby, forward on both knees.
I.E.: I landed sideways and ended up in a boot for six weeks (Beat Me Halfway '12, remember?), in addition to
filling a bunch of kids’ ears with new and interesting profanities, shouted as I
writhed there in pain. Once I drop some serious pounds, I should be able to
strengthen my ankles, and falling should be less of a hazard. Maybe I'll don stripes after I learn.
Q4, cont. The other part is a lot more emotional. See, I’ve
wanted to settle down and start a family for years. But, I’ve not been able to
find the right person for it, and not for lack of trying. I’ve had some dates,
sure, but the ones I could convince to go out with me always ended badly. I
think that, by losing the weight, I will be able to expand my available dating
pool, and therefore my chances of finding the right one. Now, there are those
who say “But, if she doesn’t accept you when you’re big, you don’t need her/she’s
shallow/you can do better/etc.” These sentiments are noble, but sadly naïve.
The truth, as I’ve gleaned from my own experiences, is that cute, intelligent women don’t go
for fat guys. There are exceptions, and I know several couples who defy
convention. But, those are exceptions, not the rule. So, long story short (too
late, I know), I got this done in part because I’m lonely, and I’m tired of being so. Man,
that’s a rotten note to end things on, but there you are.
I think that about covers it for this update. So, I will say
that, if any of you have questions about my surgery or progress, let me know,
and I will try to answer them here. Thanks again everyone for your support and
kind words.
D.J./Hayek
